Category Archives: Personal

Just an interesting, semi-seasonal image

On Sunday, my youngest grandchild had her 2nd birthday party at The Columbia Marionette Theatre. I liked the above image I shot when she and a friend were exploring backstage. Then I shot another, with the hanging marionettes above, which I think was better-framed, but lacks the kinetic element of the little intruders in the puppet kingdom.

I couldn’t make up my mind, so I gave you both.

You’re wondering about the huge figure that looks like a malproportioned cross between a Madonna and Child and a Pietà. That’s part of a set of figures owned by a local church, which the Marionette Theatre is refurbishing. It’s what makes the image.

On the whole, it’s slightly more… disturbing… than your usual holiday image. Maybe it’s that scary guy on the throne up above the huge Madonna. Maybe it’s the shadows. What do you think?

Gimme my Tinker, Tailor! Right now!

To my considerable outrage, I just realized that Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy will NOT be opening tonight at a theater near me.

I’ve been waiting for this thing for a year — it’s the only movie I’ve been eager to see in much longer than that — and the release date has been put off again and again, and I was all ready for it to finally come out on Dec. 9… and it can’t be found.

I read that it was released in the UK three months ago. This is insane. I mean, I’d love to go back to England and see it, but that’s not really an option for me at the moment. I don’t hop the pond that often. It’s sort of a once-in-a-lifetime thing. So far. (I saw “The King’s Speech” at a theater in Oxford the night it opened in England — which, weirdly, was a week or so after it opened back in the States.)

Oh, well… in lieu of that, I’ll share with you this note I wrote today to my friend Hal Stevenson, before I realized the movie wasn’t being released here. Hal recently told me that he had read The Spy Who Came in From the Cold recently, and wanted to know more about le Carre and his work. Since I’m a huge fan (of his early work, anyway), I promised to share some thoughts on what else he might want to read. It’s not brilliant, original literary criticism (I call le Carre’s most acclaimed novel “awesome,” dude), but it gives you an idea to what extent I have been thinking about and eagerly anticipating this non-event.

So I share this now with you as well, as I contemplate going home and watching the original BBC series of “Tinker, Tailor,” which I own on DVD. So there, Hollywood…

Hal,

I haven’t forgotten to write to you about John le Carre..

It’s fitting that I do so today, since the new movie, “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” comes out tonight.

I believe you said you had read The Spy Who Came In From the Cold. Well, that was an awesome book. As literature, it’s pure and clean and complete. If you’ve read that, you’ve read THE quintessential Cold War novel. You could stop there, if you wanted to. But who would want to?

I don’t think le Carre has written anything technically better than that novel. But he’s written stuff I enjoyed more.

The Alec Leamas novel is cold, and hard. It’s like a diamond. I can find no fault with it. But while I think it speaks profoundly to the human condition, some of his other novels are… warmer. They let you care about the characters more, get into them more.

For instance, George Smiley appears in The Spy Who Came In From the Cold, but as a peripheral character. And he comes across as a sort of reluctant agent of the cold pragmatism of Control, who duplicitously sent Leamas on this suicidal errand.

After that, le Carre decided to be more generous to Smiley. He had already been the protagonist of le Carre’s two books before The Spy Who Came In From the Cold — Call for the Dead and A Murder of Quality. Those were short murder mysteries in the Agatha Christie mold. That Smiley worked in intelligence was almost incidental.

But Smiley comes to full-blown life in the trilogy that begins with Tinker, Tailor. That’s the start of what has come to be known as “The Quest for Karla.” Here are some brief thoughts on the three books:

  1. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy – At the outset of this novel, George is already in retirement, against his will. He and the head of “the Circus” (le Carre’s euphemism for MI6, based in its supposed location near Cambridge Circus in London), known only as Control, were both canned after an operation blew up disastrously. But a Foreign Office official comes to George with evidence that Control was done in by a mole (this novel is responsible for that term entering the language) who had insinuated himself to the very top of the Circus, and was actually running the whole show now on behalf of Moscow. Smiley begins a process of backtracking through his own life and career and former colleagues as he sets a trap for the mole, unofficially, from the outside. The mole, it is known, is the agent of Karla, a mysterious figure who sort of runs his own show deep within the KGB. Karla is Smiley’s lifelong nemesis, sort of his Moby Dick. Smiley doesn’t know who the traitor is until the end – beyond the fact that it will be one of his closest associates, someone he’s known and trusted his whole adult life. The novel is about these relationships, and what they mean to Smiley, as much as it is about spies. That’s a hallmark of le Carre’s work.
  2. The Honourable Schoolboy – This second novel in the trilogy is very different from the other two. It’s sweeping, and adventurous and cinematic. The ironic thing about it is that it’s the only one that hasn’t been made into a movie (or, more accurately, TV series), even though it reads most like a movie script. It takes place after Smiley has exposed the mole, and turned the Circus inside out. George has been brought back officially into service to head the new, demoralized Circus. Trying to build the agency back up and get some decent intelligence coming in, Smiley pursues a trail of money that should lead to a top Soviet agent – another of Karla’s hand-picked people – in Hong Kong. Lacking professionals on staff he can trust, he sends an old freelance hand – a journalist named Jerry Westerby, who is sort of a half-amateur gentleman spy – to track down this second Karla agent. Westerby does so against the background of exotic locales. You get the sense that le Carre was trying to be a sort of Hollywood version of Joseph Conrad here. There is action, to an extent that is unlike le Carre, who tends to be more cerebral. On the whole, the novel isn’t as satisfying, since it’s more about Westerby and his conflicts than it is about Smiley and the characters you’ve come to care about in Tinker, Tailor.
  3. Smiley’s People – This one is everything The Honourable Schoolboy wasn’t. It’s like a reunion from the first book, and is the climactic act in Smiley’s lifelong contest with Karla. At the outset, George is in exile again from the service after the fiasco in Hong Kong. But an old Russian general, who had spied for Britain in Moscow, has been murdered in London. The Circus doesn’t want to be caught within miles of the general or his old émigré friends, and asks George to come in quietly, unofficially, and lay the general’s affairs to rest – tie up loose ends, pour oil on the waters. George discovers that the general was killed because he had possessed a secret that could be Karla’s undoing. And he spends the rest of the novel making the rounds of old friends, pulling together the strands of a noose around Karla’s neck. But as he gets closer, he comes to doubt whether that’s even what he wants to do.

Moral ambiguity is Smiley’s constant companion. He’s a good and decent man who finds himself doing abhorrent things in the service of his ideals. That is a theme in everything le Carre writes, even when Smiley doesn’t appear.

And he does NOT appear in subsequent novels, except in retrospect in The Secret Pilgrim. That was OK (as were A Perfect Spy and The Constant Gardener), but here are what I think are the best of le Carre’s post-Smiley novels:

  • The Russia House – The protagonist is so much like Jerry Westerby that it’s like le Carre saw this novel as a do-over, an attempt to get that character right this time. An amateur is recruited to act on behalf of British intelligence to make contact with a source at the heart of the Soviet nuclear weapons program – a source that insists upon dealing with no one else. But can the agent himself be trusted? And is the source for real?
  • The Night Manager – This is one you can read and enjoy without having read any other le Carre novel. It stands alone, like “The Spy Who Came In From the Cold,” but its tone is the opposite. There’s nothing cold about it. It’s very human. The protagonist is an ex-commando who, for very personal reasons, offers his services to the government to get close to, and bring down, “the worst man in the world” – a billionaire British arms dealer who sells to anyone with the right price. Not to be a plot spoiler, but it’s more of a feel-good book than almost anything else le Carre has written – sort of the opposite of The Spy Who Came In from the Cold in that regard.

I probably like those because I have pedestrian tastes. They’re not as dark as some of le Carre’s critically acclaimed work — certainly not as dark as The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. By comparison, these are sentimental, but I like them.

Well, that’s an overview. I hope you’ll read some of these; I’d enjoy discussing them with you…

Alec Guinness as George Smiley. Is Gary Oldman as good? WHO KNOWS? YOU CAN'T TELL BY ME!!!!

He’s not the kind you have to wind up on Sundays

Just to cleanse the spiritual palate, brethren, I invoke Brother Tull to share with us a musical interlude.

This song has been running through my head a good bit lately. (Seeing “all the bishops” — or at least, all the Anglican clergy — lined up and harmonizing at Jason’s ordination the other day was but one instance in which it has come to mind.) You may find that interesting, in connection with my outrage at the tawdry way Rick Perry is trying to wind God up and make him toddle across the room, beating a toy drum that says “Perry for President.”

Perry’s message, considered most charitably, is after all that God has a place in the public square. He’s not supposed to be kept in a steepled ghetto. God is for every day, not an hour on Sunday.

I agree with that with all my heart and soul. God, properly considered, is for every day, every moment. (For that matter, it’s not for us to say what God’s for; it’s up to us to figure out what WE’RE intended for.) That’s one reason I like this song.

But I would submit that that includes the moments in which you try to exploit God to your own ends. You don’t wind him up then, either. Rather, you endeavor to alter yourself to fit His expectations.

This is a tough thing to talk about because we’re not supposed to judge, either — are we? So people get away with some really horrific stuff, because who are we to say? If another man testifies that this is how he experiences God, who are we to condemn?

And so people get away with all sorts of stuff, and if we protest, we are painted as being one of those who wants to keep God in a box.

And there are such people. Good, well-meaning people, quite often — although they are confused. They confuse the First Amendment with Jefferson’s views (when he wasn’t involved with it), and then go the further step of assuming that a ban on establishment of religion by Congress implies that we individual citizens (and that includes officeholders) are not supposed to talk about religion in the public sphere.

They are wrong. And their wrongness is all the more wrong because they create a space in which someone like Perry can construct a lie about a “war on religion.” And everything just gets worse. They are wrong, and he is wrong, and I suppose I’m wrong, too, for judging both.

But I feel better when I listen to the music. Don’t think you have to turn up your speakers when it starts out so soft. It builds.

Cousin Jason becomes Father Jason

Bishop Mark Lawrence leads the congregation in applauding the new priest. Jason may be wary of pride, but that's all right -- we'll be proud for him.

Normally, I wouldn’t share something this personal, except it made news.

I spent Saturday driving with my mother and her older brother to Conway and back, where her younger brother’s son, Jason Collins, was being ordained as an Episcopal priest.

Here’s where I could say all sorts of things about this not being the same as a real priest, because real priests don’t have a wife and children and Jason does, but let’s not get all technical. I’m proud and happy for him, and pleased to call him “Father” even though he wasn’t born until I was almost 18.

The reason I post about it here is that it was news in those parts. In fact, it made the front page of The Sun News, on account of Jason’s prominence in the community:

CONWAY — Jason Collins wasn’t sure he wanted to be interviewed for this story.

He didn’t want readers to think it was his prideful narrative of a journey from the secular world to the faith-based world. He was afraid people would think he was boasting, that he was telling a story of how remarkable he is for having done what he’s done.

But the story is his journey, as Collins knows well. And he hopes readers will finish it with the knowledge that everyone’s life can be transformed through God and Jesus Christ.

Collins, a former Conway city planner, is being ordained today into the Sacred Order of Priests at a 3 p.m. ceremony at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in Conway…

It was a wonderful ceremony, very moving. The bishop was there (of course; else there’d be no ordination) as well as a whole mess of priests, friends and relations. Jason’s wife and two children were involved integrally involved in the proceedings, and all of us felt privileged to be there. Even though I was tempted, as a Roman, to erupt in a loud “ahem!” when the bishop charged him with words attributed to St. Thomas More in “A Man for All Seasons.”

But Jason is now officially a priest in the one holy catholic and apostolic church, and none may say nay to that. Not around me, anyway.

This is one customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to take the time to fill out

Just got this email, following up on my adventures earlier in the week:

Dear Brad,

Recently, you contacted our online customer service group for assistance. We are conducting a study that will help us evaluate and improve our levels of customer service, and would like to include your opinions. The survey will only take a few minutes, and will help ensure that our customers receive the best possible service.

Please take a moment to tell us about your experience. You can be assured that your responses will be used only for research purposes, and will be held in strict confidence.

We value your input, and thank you in advance for your participation.

Click here to take our survey

Sincerely,
Toys”R”Us / Babies”R”Us!

I’m saving this for tonight, when I have some time to spend on it. I hope there’s an essay question on it…

How’s Cyber Monday going for you?

For my part, I’m still fighting the battle of the children’s picnic table. I told you about what looked like a happy ending here. And right about that time, I received the following notification:

This is a notification-only email. Please do not reply to this message.

Dear Brad Warthen,

Thank you for ordering from us. Your order number is [bunch of numbers] and has been successfully placed. You’ll soon receive additional emails regarding your order as it is processed.

Here is a review of your order.

Store Pickup summary

The Ready for pickup email typically arrives within 2 hours. Orders placed near or outside store hours may require additional processing time. If you have selected someone else to pick up your order, they will also receive a copy of the Ready for pickup email which provides detailed instructions on what is required to pick up the order….

And so forth and so on. Triumph, right?

But then at 1:33, I got this:

This is a notification-only email. Please do not reply to this message.

Dear Brad Warthen:

Thank you for shopping at Toys“R”Us and Babies“R”Us.

Unfortunately, we were unable to fulfill your order # [same bunch of numbers]. As a result, your order has been cancelled. If you have any questions or concerns regarding your cancellation, please contact Customer Service 1-800-ToysRUs (800 -869-7787) for further assistance.

Order Date: 11/28/11

I’m steeling myself to make that call now.

In spite of this unreality, I’m told that we live in a brave new world of blissful online shopping, and today is that world’s High Holy Day. There are many stories out there celebrating it, such as this one:

A Shopping Day Invented for the Web Comes of Age

Cyber Monday might have started as a made-up occasion to give underdog e-commerce sites jealous of Black Friday a day of their own, but it has become an undeniably real thing — surprising even the people who invented it.

Last year, for the first time, the Monday after Thanksgiving was the biggest online shopping day of the year by sales, and the first day ever that online spending passed $1 billion, according to comScore, a research company that measures Web use.

This year, with a record-breaking Black Friday — shoppers spent $816 million online, 26 percent more than last year, in addition to spending more offline — online retailers are gearing up for Monday to once again be their best of the season…

Yadda-yadda, yadda-yadda, yadda-yadda. I remain less-than-favorably impressed.

Happy Thanksgiving, Richard — and everyone

Once upon a time there was a thing called newspapers, and Richard Crowson is my oldest newspaper friend. One of his first published editorial cartoons illustrated a column I wrote for the editorial page of the journalism department lab paper at Memphis State University in 1975. I already knew Richard from working with him at the MSU library.

A couple of years later, Richard joined me at The Jackson Sun, where we worked together for close to a decade, Richard as the editorial cartoonist.

Then, in 1985, I persuaded him to come out to Kansas, where he eventually became editorial cartoonist of The Wichita Eagle. A couple of years after that, I left to come here. Richard stayed.

Richard, being a talented editorial cartoonist, was laid off from his job about six months before Robert Ariail and I were.

Anyway, I only possess a copy of one of his cartoons, the one above from 1982. It’s my favorite. Sorry that the perspective is a bit askew. It’s too big for my scanner, and I had to shoot it with my camera at an angle to get the reflection off the glass of the frame.

Enjoy.

Oh, another thing about Richard. He’s not only a great cartoonist; he’s probably the most talented picker I know — of any stringed instrument you care to name, as long as it’s used in the production of Bluegrass. The first thing Richard did when he arrived in Wichita was go out and buy several second-hand kitchen chairs for his apartment, for his fellow pickers to sit on once he found some. Which he promptly did.

Below, you see him at left with the rest of The Home Rangers, “Kansas’ Premier Cowboy Band.”

Finally, my important discovery is recognized

For a second there, I almost deleted the comment and reported it as spam. Usually, when someone comments on a really old post, that’s what it is.

But I hesitated, and followed the link provided, and was happy to find that finally, an authoritative source had confirmed the validity of my important discovery of the actual site of the fictional Championship Vinyl.

You have to read High Fidelity to fully understand the importance of my discovery. Watching the movie is OK, but since it transports the shop to Chicago, no serious Hornbyologist would give it the time of day as a source of valid information.

I’m the one who crossed the ocean, left my wife asleep at our hotel in Swiss Cottage, crossed London in the Underground and searched the vast reaches of Islington alone, without a guide beyond the cryptic words of the novel itself, and found the hallowed spot.

And no one has fully recognized me until now, as DellaMirandola writes:

Thank you for this important discovery. I’ve just written about it here:http://thehornseyroad.blogspot.com/2011/11/championship-vinyl.html

Yes, there’s a bit of tail-chasing solipsism or some other fancy word going on here, in that the site in question is citing me as the source of truth without reference to the external world, and I’m citing him in return as the confirmation, but let’s leave that to the nitpickers. The bottom line is, what could be more expert on the validity of a find on the Hornsey Road than a website called The Hornsey Road? I ask you…

And that worthy author could hardly have been more definite:

In High Fidelity, Rob Fleming’s record shop is just off the Seven Sisters Road
This proves conclusively that it’s on the southern stretch of the Hornsey Road.

I am covered in glory. I don’t even care if there’s any money attached.

So now, I have another thing to be thankful for today.

Ring the Salvation Army bell…

I just figured out why I’ve had one line from an old Simon and Garfunkel song running through my head all day:

Hear the Sal-va-tion Ar-my band…

It’s because, in a few minutes, I have to go

Ring the Sal-va-tion Ar-my bell…

This is a major service project of the Columbia Rotary Club. Fellow Rotarian Boyd Summers and I have signed up for the noon-2 p.m. slot today in front of Green’s liquor store over on Assembly. Come on by and see us on your way in to obtain your favorite adult beverages. Or on the way out. Either way, leave money in the bucket.

And while you think about whether you want to do that, listen to The Bangles’ relatively decent cover of the song in question, so that you can have the frightening experience of having your mind on the same wavelength as mine. Or listen to the original. I actually prefer the original, but since it’s a video, I figured The Bangles were easier to look at.

Ironic lyrics to hear on a day like today. But you can pretend there’s a hazy shade of winter out there, to get yourself in the mood for the holidays. Yeah, I know it’s not easy when you’re sweating…

On the spot while it’s hot, ‘bogging’ away

Note the camera held high in the right hand. Note the digital recorder with Moleskine notebook held in left hand. Note the dramatic profile. Note the bow tie. That's my Hound Dog tie. It's my favorite.

My friend Kristine Hartvigsen shared this photo on Facebook last night, with the simple caption, “On the job. Read about this in his blog.”

Jack Gerstner responded, “i wonder what brad does now, other than bog?”

I do indeed have boggy days, but yesterday was fairly dry.

But occasionally, I suppose it’s good to remind y’all that the reason I don’t post a tenth as much as I’d like is that I’m also director of communications and public relations at ADCO.

What does that mean? Well, different things.

Yesterday, for instance — hours before the Occupy Columbia thing pictured above — I attended a meeting over at 2020 Hampton with Richland County Administrator Milton Pope and a number of his department heads. ADCO is working with a couple of consulting companies, Cadmus and Genesis Consulting, to help Central Midlands Council of Governments come up with a sustainable energy plan for the Midlands. We were briefing the Richland folks on where the project stands, and seeking their input on the next stage of it.

This morning at 11, I have a phone conference about that project. Before and after that, I’m working on copy for web pages for another client, intended to tell parents what to look for in a good childcare center.

This afternoon, I’ll be over at Bobby Hitt’s shop. Commerce has asked a number of firms in the advertising/marketing/PR world to work together to help Commerce with a branding project, something that promises to be pretty exciting, and which I hope to learn more about today.

And when I get a minute — between ADCO stuff, nights, weekends — I bog.

Anchors Aweigh: Bud and his son, the sailor

Last night, Bud wrote this:

Brad and I have gone round and round on US military deployments over the last few years. Yet I can fully understand with a son in the naval resere how the sound of anchors away can stir up some goose bumps. With a son in the naval reserve I can attest to how inspiring those dress white uniforms are.

And he also shared this with me via email (along with the picture above):

All this talk of dress navy white uniforms reminded me of this special occassion recently at my son’s graduation from the Great Lakes training center.  That was a very special week that I’ll never forget.  Seeing my son grow up and my second grandchild come into the world.

Congratulations to Bud on having both a new sailor, and a new baby, in the family. And may his son have smooth sailing wherever his voyages take him.

At least the fries were French

This isn’t Proust. In fact, I’ve never read Proust. And the descriptions I’ve read of Remembrance of Things Past never seem to recommend it, because they always note how amazingly long it is. In any event, I don’t read French, and it seems a waste to spend that much time on something and not know at the end whether it bore any resemblance to what the author intended.

But today, under the most mundane circumstances, I experienced something like the episode of the madeleine. Really. It was way literary.

Lanier and I were having lunch at the Mousetrap, and I had ordered the hamburger steak with fries. We had told the waitress Lanier had a pressing appointment, and our orders came out quickly, and hot. Something about the look of the fries put my mind on the verge of something. They were perfectly ordinary crinkle-cuts, but there was something about the color, the apparent consistency. When I tasted one, everything — flavor, moisture, temperature, mixture of crispness and tenderness, the grease, the feeling against my teeth — brought back a very specific memory from 43 years ago. That was when I had tasted fries that were exactly like these.

Initially, the memory that came to me was visual. In my mind’s eye, I could see that I was in a diner. From the center of the field of vision running off to the right was a counter, with high stools, behind it one of those windows to the kitchen. Starting at the center and running toward the left was a window with blinds — it was dark outside — and then a doorway out to a sidewalk. I couldn’t see where I was sitting — a booth, a table? — only what I could see, looking up, from that vantage point. There were people moving about, but they were indistinct, ghostly. I couldn’t fix on them. Then came the sounds of the place, the clanking dishes, the hiss of the grill, the rowdy sounds of boys’ voices.

I knew where I was. The junior varsity basketball team of Bennettsville High School — 1967-68 school year — was on the road. We were having dinner after a game in a small town in the Pee Dee, before getting back on the bus to head back to B’ville. I was 14 and this was an adventure, one of many like it.

I was part of the team and not on the team — sort of like Ollie, the team manager, at the start of “Hoosiers.” After the grueling tryouts (one gets a taste of eternity in windsprints up and down the court), the coach looked down at me and told me I had almost made it. He was sure I’d be ready next year. If I’d be the manager, I could work out with the team and play against Robin Frye in practices. Robin was the only guy as short as I was who had made the team. I was in the 9th grade, and wouldn’t get my height for a couple of years.

Most of my duties were pretty simple — gathering up the balls after practice and such. But I had one that I regarded as core, one that made me feel important beyond my years. I was the official scorekeeper for the team. I sat at the folding table along the sidelines with the other team’s scorekeeper on my left, and the guy with the scoreboard controls and buzzer on my right. My supreme moment of the season was in a late home game. One of our guys was fouled, and he took his free throw and made it. The referee was giving to the ball to the other team to take out when I told the guy next to me to hit the buzzer. The ref came over and I told him our player was entitled to a second shot because it was a one-and-one situation. The ref said he didn’t think it was. I told him I was sure, and showed him the fouls on my sheet — I remembered each one. The other scorekeeper said no; there hadn’t been that many fouls.

The ref said that since I was the home scorekeeper, my record was official. He went back out and gave our guy another shot.

I’m surprised I didn’t fall off my folding chair, I was so drunk with power. I couldn’t believe it — I had given a signal, and that whole packed gym had stopped everything to hear what I had to say. And then, my word being law, I had pronounced my ruling, and the ref and all those other adults had obeyed.

It’s good to be the scorekeeper.

But I kept my face impassive, and acted like this was the way things were supposed to be.

In the late 80s, I attended my cousin’s graduation. His was the final class to graduate as Green Gremlins. The graduation was held in the football stadium of the new, consolidated Marlboro High School, which everyone would attend the next year. But then a storm came up. Those in charge decided everyone would repair across town to the old school, and we’d complete the ceremonies in the auditorium there. So we did.

The place was packed, and steaming hot. There wasn’t enough room for everyone to sit in the auditorium, so people were distributed anywhere they could get a vantage point of the stage. I found myself in the wings of the stage itself, watching the kids come up for their diplomas. I remembered that one of the backstage doors opened onto the gym, and slipped away to go check it out.

Speaking of “Hoosiers” — remember the end, with the camera panning slowly through an almost-empty gym, obviously years after the miraculous championship? There’s a small boy dribbling and taking shots, alone, at one end of the court, and every time the ball hits the court surface, the echoes resound, as the camera gradually swings up and zooms in on the portrait of The Team. It was like that. It felt like that; my every step sounded like that.

I went over and stood in the spot from which I had issued The Ruling. Odd, it strikes me now, that a movie hasn’t been made about that great moment in sports history. Hollywood doesn’t know what’s good, I guess.

Those are the things I thought of when I bit into that one fry. No, it’s not great literature, but the same principle of involuntary memory applied…

What E.J. wrote from here (I’m quoted, so you know it’s gotta be good)

Thought y’all might be interested in reading E.J. Dionne’s column today, which he wrote before leaving Columbia yesterday.

Have to say I was a bit panicky when I started reading it, because I saw he was going in some directions that matched things I had said, and I hoped I hadn’t gone too much out on a limb as a source, to the point of embarrassing him or me. I was just, you know, talking, driving around town, having a Yuengling at Yesterday’s after the lecture — the way I do. (By the way, E.J. drank O’Doul’s. But I’m convinced that he is Catholic, nevertheless. He also chews nicotine gum constantly, to hold another vice at bay.) But I knew the main point of what I had said was sound. I was talking about the utter predictability of the GOP in SC (and elsewhere) at this point in its history.

Being the smart guy that he is, he fully got that. And being even smarter, which is to say a thorough professional, he talked to plenty of other people, from Bob McAlister to Mark Sanford to Mick Mulvaney to Will Folks (and others who didn’t make it into the column, such as Wesley Donehue).

It’s well worth a read. Here’s an excerpt:

What South Carolina can do for the GOP candidates

By , Published: November 2

COLUMBIA, S.C.

Can Mitt Romney be dislodged as the fragile but disciplined front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination? If he can, South Carolina is the best bet for the role of spoiler.

Republican primary voters here have historically ratified establishment choices, but the old establishment has been displaced by new forms of conservative political activism, the Tea Party being only the latest band of rebels.

South Carolina conservatives also seem representative of their peers around the country in being uncertain and more than a trifle confused about the choices they have been handed. They are skeptical of Romney, were disappointed by Rick Perry’s early performance, were enchanted by Herman Cain — a spell that may soon be broken — and are not sure what to make of the rest of the field.

All this, paradoxically, gives hope to the non-Romneys in the contest, including Perry but also former Utah governor Jon Huntsman, who was campaigning in the state this week…

Oh, I know you want to get to the good part, so here it is:

The candidate who absolutely needs to win here is Perry. It’s no accident that he announced his candidacy in Charleston. Brad Warthen, a popular South Carolina blogger (and a friend of mine from his days as editorial page editor of the State newspaper), thought at the time that Perry’s August announcement speech was pitch-perfect for the state’s conservatives in its passionately anti-government and anti-Washington tone, delivered in the city where the Civil War began. The primary and indeed, the nomination, seemed within Perry’s grasp.

I’m mentioned again later, so read the whole thing.

And thanks again to E.J. for coming down and making this year’s Bernardin lecture one of our best.

Portrait of the Artist as an Arrogant Old Guy

Jim Hammond sent this to me today, from the Nephron announcement Friday.

I don’t know what I’m smirking at as I line up that shot on the iPhone. Perhaps I think I’m catching someone in a compromising attitude. Or maybe it’s that I realized Jim was shooting me as I made that shot. Who knows why I smirk? The Cartesian take on it would be, I think, therefore I smirk.

And I’m not turning up my nose at anyone. I mean, I do turn up my nose, sir, but not at you, sir. It’s just that I wear bifocals, so I do that a lot.

I’m kind of jealous of the quality of Jim’s camera. It does a good job with a backlit subject.  I have a really good camera, too — really good — but it uses film. And that’s just too much trouble and expense these days for everyday use.

Oh, and here’s a picture from way back of me biting my thumb — I mean, turning up my nose — at Dan Quayle. It’s from a chance encounter at a banquet years and years ago …

ME: "I'll have you know, sir, that in South Carolina, we DRESS for dinner!" QUAYLE: "All I want is a potatoe."

Listening to hunterherring.com, right now

Listening right now to my fellow granddad at hunterherring.com.

The picture above shows Hunter with our youngest granddaughter (his daughter’s, my son’s) at a Lunch Money concert in front of the Columbia Museum of Art several months ago. (Hunter’s wife works with us at ADCO, and Lunch Money’s drummer is with ADCO interactive, and the cameraman for “The Brad Show.” How’s that for cross-promotion? Back off, Jack — I’m a professional…)

Right now, Hunter’s playing Mary Wells singing “You Beat Me to the Punch.”

Listening to Hunter’s web station is like experiencing Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” in real life. I’m pretty sure that most of the songs on the fictional Rob’s Top Five lists would eventually be played on hunterherring.com.

Why I’m cheering for the Cardinals tonight

Back on tonight’s Virtual Front Page, Herb said he couldn’t join me in cheering for St. Louis tonight, as he is from Texas.

Well, I have no choice in the matter. The Rangers mean nothing to me. I have this rule: I can’t get interested in a baseball team that didn’t exist when I was a kid.

And while I tend more toward the Braves these days (a matter of proximity, I suppose), I was a Cardinals fan before the Texas Rangers existed.

I was cheering the Cardinals in 1968, when they lost to the Tigers. Lou Brock, Curt Flood, Bob Gibson, Orlando Cepeda, Tim McCarver.

And  I couldn’t stand that Denny McLain.

The next spring, I attended a Cards-Tigers matchup at the training ballpark in St. Pete. Spent the whole game trying to get autographs from Cardinals.

The autograph I never got.

Near the start, Tim McCarver was coming out of the locker room, through a chain-link corridor with fans on both sides. He stopped to give some autographs to kids on the other side, while my nose was about six inches from the letters across his back. Then he moved on without having turned around.

Later that day, after the game, my little brother and I were trying to catch players coming out of the locker room. There was a lanky young guy in street clothes standing around, and we were sure he was a player. My brother went up and asked him for his signature. He said, “Aw you don’t want mine. I’m not anybody you want.” But we insisted, and he signed.

We walked away, looked at the program and said to each other, “He was right. Never heard of him.” He had written, “Steve Carlton.”

Years later, I was dating the girl who would be my wife. She had taken it upon herself to organize family photos in an album. I was rooting around in the box and she was telling me about the people I saw there, when I came across something that didn’t seem to belong. It was a small publicity photo of Tim McCarver. I pointed out that something extraneous had gotten into the box.

No, she said. That was her cousin Tim. First cousin. I was blown away… I mean, I was put off that he was wearing an Expos cap in the picture, which didn’t seem natural (he had just played with them one year, and was at this point back with the Cards), but still. Turns out his mother, Alice, was my future father-in-law’s sister.

See? I told ya he was once with the Red Sox. Dig that mid-70s look.

Two years later, my bride and I were visiting my family in Orlando, and we drove over to Winterhaven to catch a Red Sox game. Sure, Carlton Fisk was the star catcher, but we thought there was a chance Tim would get in. (Often, when I tell this story, people insist that Tim was never with the Sox — they think of him as first a Cardinal, then a Phillie — but he was). As it happened, Pudge hurt his wrist in the first inning, and Tim went in for him. He didn’t have a great game, but at least I got to see him play again.

At one point, after getting out at first, he was turning back toward the dugout when we caught his eye, and surprised to see J (he didn’t know me from Adam), he came over to chat. Either then, or after the game, he asked us to give him a ride back to the house he and his family were renting during spring training. Sure. No problem.

As we were pulling away, he asked me to pull over and rolled down the window to chat with another player. Tim asked, “Think you’re gonna make it?” The guy wasn’t sure. He looked familiar. As we pulled away, Tim explained: “Tony Conigliaro.” (He was trying to come back as a DH, but his damaged eyesight forced him to retire not long after.) For those who don’t remember, Conigliaro is the reason ballplayers today wear helmets with protective flaps on their exposed side.

I thought this was AWESOME! I was hanging out with legendary Major Leaguers!

At the house, he sat back, stiff, and took a muscle relaxer. Coming off the bench like that had been hard on his knees. He explained to me that taking such a pill was very unusual for him. He offered me a beer. I turned it down, since I had to drive back to Orlando. Yes, I did. I turned it down. Like my wife couldn’t drive. What a dork I was! For 36 years now, I have NOT been able to say, Yeah, one time I was kicking back having a brewski with Tim McCarver at spring training. He was moanin’ about his knees, and I was sayin’ quitcher bellyachin’! You know me, Al

Now that we were buds — kin, even — I decided I could fling accusations. I told him that when I had been 15, he had not turned around to give me an autograph, even though I had kept calling his name, inches away: “Mr. McCarver!” You know, for my kid brother. Stuff like that matters to little kids.

“Aw,” he said, “I wasn’t playing ball when you were 15…” He couldn’t have said anything better. He was including me among the old guys who had been around, and couldn’t possibly have been a kid so recently.

But I had been. The Cards had signed Tim McCarver right out of Christian Brothers High School in 1959, and brought him up to The Show when he was just 17. And I wasn’t quite yet 6.

And tonight, he’s calling the World Series, as he’s now done many times. And I’m listening, while writing this.

Vegas, baby, Vegas… y’all have a great time now, ya hear?

Burl Burlingame has just filed the above photo from his hotel room window with the caption, “Why I Will Never Live in Las Vegas.”

Burl’s there for the Radford High School Class of 1971 Reunion, which is this weekend. I am a member of that class, but I am not there.

The reason I’m not there is that I haven’t made up my mind whether to go, and it seems I’m out of time. This is where procrastination gets you.

Seriously, I just ended up deciding not to spend the money. I’d rather save it for when we get to take another trip like the one we took to England back right after Christmas.

Now if the reunion had been in Hawaii, where we actually graduated, I might have looked for a way to swing it. I could have checked to see whether credit really has eased appreciably since 2008. But my classmates who organized it decided Vegas was cheaper for all of us former military brats who are scattered across the country. Which I appreciate. (Although, ironically, Burl had to travel FROM Hawaii to get to Vegas.) But I’ve never particularly wanted to go to Vegas.

It’s just never had much appeal to me. I quit gambling in college, when I was disabused of the notion that I was a nine-ball master one day when my opponent drove in the nine ball on the break several games in a row. Money was on the line. That, and a poker hand at about that same time — a game in which I was cleaned out by a ridiculous stroke of “luck” by one of the other guys in the game — convinced me that gambling was not for me.

My one motivation in going to Las Vegas would be to say, “Vegas, baby, Vegas” as I arrived. And that wasn’t worth the money. At one point I did consider it. I mean, for a moment I entertained the idea that when the casino owners saw Burl and me walk in, they’d give us the Rain Man suite. But I wasn’t positive that plan would work, so I didn’t go.

My regret, of course, is that I don’t get to see Burl, and Steve Clark, and Priscilla Gummerson, and Doug Capozzalo, and Joann Vavrik, and others.

But hey, maybe we’ll have our 50th in Hawaii…

Great to see Jeff, but I still await that Dole story

Jeff Miller and Warren Bolton, outside Yesterday's in Five Points.

Yesterday my phone rang, and told me Jeff Miller was calling. This was confirmed when I answered and heard his voice:

“I’ve got that Dole story for you.”

Except that he still didn’t have it. He was just stringing me along…

The background: I pulled Jeff out of The State‘s Newberry bureau in late 1987 to assign him to cover the upcoming Republican presidential primary here — the one that launched George H. W. Bush toward the nomination and the presidency, and did so much to burnish the S.C. primary as the early contest that picked winners.

I had other political reporters — plenty of them, in those days. But Lee Bandy was up in Washington, and my others who could do the job would be busy with the Legislature by the time of the primary. I needed somebody to work this story full-time, and for the duration. We could see it was going to be a big deal, with the nation’s eyes on South Carolina, so I didn’t want to treat it like just another story. Gordon Hirsch, who was then the news editor, suggested Jeff as somebody who, despite lack of political experience, could do the job. I jumped at the offer, and our state editor lost him from then until after the primary. (Actually, the State Desk have lost him permanently — eventually, he joined my governmental affairs staff for good. I just can’t remember whether he went back to Newberry for a while first. It’s been a LONG time.)

He did a great job, and had a great time, I think. I still remember him talking about being on the bus with David Broder, and what a nice guy Broder was. Jeff was young, and new to all this, and he was really impressed that the legendary Broder would just sit and talk with him like a regular person.

But he wasn’t too starry-eyed to do his job well. I was pleased. There’s just this one beef. After the primary was over, I had one more story idea for him. After all these years, I can’t even remember what the specific idea was, but I thought it was a good one — it was an angle about Bob Dole’s defeat here that no one else had done. Jeff wasn’t so sure. He was also pretty exhausted with writing about that stuff, and needed to move on to his other reporting duties. I kept bugging him about it — just this one more story, I kept saying. I was like that as an editor — even when people had been working double-time for a long time, actually even when they were on vacation, truth be told — and I usually got my way, through sheer insufferability. Not this time. Jeff would say, “Yeah, sure…” but I never got it.

So he owed me.

Today, he paid me back by taking Warren Bolton and me to lunch, on his first visit back to Columbia in a decade. We went to Yesterday’s, of course, because I got to pick (see the ad at right). We had a great time talking about the Dole story (neither of us can remember what it was about now — but it was gonna be good). We talked about the Cosmic Ha-Has, the softball team on which both Jeff and I played (I was the last Ha-Ha left at the paper; all gone now).  We talked about the county league basketball team that Jeff and Warren played on, and how neither of them plays any more. (I went out to play with them once. For some reason, they never begged me to come back.)

A lot of the intervening years — I was last Jeff’s editor in 1993 — Jeff was still covering politics, but for other papers. Washington became his home base, and when I last saw him, at the Republican National Convention in New York in 2004 (below), he was in the Washington bureau of the Allentown Morning Call, if I remember correctly. In 2006 he left newspaper work, but has stayed in D.C. Now, he’s the vice president for communications of The Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights.

It was great to see him again. Warren, too. But it’s usually not so long between times I get to see Warren.

Jeff and me on the last night of the RNC in NY in '04. The marathon was nearly over (conventions mean 20-hour days for press types). Like my beard? I was so much older then; I'm younger than that now.

Just don’t want her making any mistakes…

"Mama, will you make the cake for my wedding?"

The picture above is far from the best I’ve shot of the Twins, but it perfectly illustrates my story. It was taken at the very moment in question.

I met several members of my family at the State Fair at lunchtime today. The Twins were there. I think they were the two tiniest people actually walking around as opposed to being in strollers. They were turned away from one kiddie ride for being too short — “Maybe next year,” the carnie told them.

Just before I left them to head back into town, they were admiring decorated cakes submitted for Fair competitions. While Twin B was still looking, Twin A turned to her mother — who is into cake decorating as a hobby — and asked, “Mama, will you make the cake for my wedding?

“Of course,” my daughter said. “Who are you going to marry?”

The sweatheart started to gaze off into the distance, but before she could say anything, my wife (who had been on this subject with her before) cut in:

“You’re NOT waiting around for Prince Charming. Remember, we talked about that. You’ll make your own fortune in the world.”

Poor baby. All they want to wear is princess dresses — and tutus. I don’t know how my wife, or my daughter, or whoever dressed them this morning even got them both into jeans — perhaps because they were matched with pink tops. Twin A recently refused to wear shirt-and-pants style pajamas any more, causing my daughter to order a new nightgown by overnight delivery. Because, you see, that’s what girls wear.

But I think my wife is trying to keep the child from making the mistake she made. She knew better, but I was just so dashing, riding in and swooping her away like that…

Happy Birthday, Sheriff Lott!

At breakfast at the Capital City Club today, I was surprised by the staff with this. The sheriff, who is on the Cap City board with me, was NOT there to have "Happy Birthday" sung to him. Ha.

Friday night, my wife and I were at a social event at the Capital City Club with my parents. Seeing Sheriff Leon Lott there, I went up to him and said, “Hey, twin. We’ve got another one coming up. We’re getting old, aren’t we?”

Long-time running joke. Leon and I were born on the same day, October 3, 1953.

When I got back to our table, my wife introduced a twist on this that I hadn’t heard before: “You two actually sort of look alike. Something in the shapes of your faces. Maybe…”

No, I said, indicating my mother sitting there. If we were separated at birth, she would certainly know… Not necessarily, my wife

Quick! Which twin is this?

said. Back then, women frequently weren’t conscious during childbirth. My mom, sitting across the table with her back to the amplified entertainment, didn’t say anything — presumably because she couldn’t hear the conversation. I could barely hear us myself.

Or… now that I think about it later, is there another explanation for her not responding?

In any case, I can understand how people could leap to such a conclusion. I’m sure that folks look at me and see a guy who, were he a cop, would be named “South Carolina’s Toughest Cop.” Twice. There’s just that certain rugged je ne sais quoi (memo to self: tough guys probably don’t say, “je ne sais quoi“) that we share.

The resemblance is so uncanny that I’ve doubled for him on stage. OK, maybe that’s not the reason, but it actually happened. When the Sheriff couldn’t make it for his cameo in the Workshop Theater production of “The Producers” back in 2009, I filled in for him. Really.

Anyway, on Saturday I got my annual card from Leon. I am so impressed by people who do that. I have enough trouble remembering to buy cards for my actual family. By that time, of course, it was too late to buy one and get it to him by Monday.

So this will have to do. Happy Birthday, Sheriff!