Category Archives: Personal

Happy Birthday to Sheriff Leon Lott, the federal income tax, and anyone else born on this particularly auspicious day

Well, I got my annual birthday card from my twin, Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott.

He’s a thoughtful guy, although in truth, it’s not that hard for him to remember, even though he’s getting older now. He and I were born on the same day, right here in South Carolina.

The coincidences between Leon and me abound. For instance, we’re both known and admired for our rugged good looks. He passed a series of demanding fitness tests to be named the SC Law Enforcement Officers’ Association “Toughest Cop” — twice. I have been named “South Carolina’s Toughest Editor” multiple times. Or I would have been, if such an award existed. He once got three standing ovations at Columbia Rotary, in the midst of the national controversy over his having busted Olympic champion Michael Phelps for smoking dope in Columbia; I got one such ovation — when I got fired from the newspaper, which makes you wonder what they were applauding.

And a few moments ago, when I called to thank him for my card and wish him a happy right back, the lady who answered the phone was named “Janell.” My mother and one of my daughters are named “Janelle,” although we spell it differently. And Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. (Although, despite urban legend, Lincoln did not have a secretary named “Kennedy.”)

But wait: I’m not done. Taegan Goddard reports the following today on his Wonk Wire:

Happy 100th Anniversary to the Federal Income Tax

Today is the 100th anniversary of the federal income tax. President Woodrow Wilson signed the legislation into law in 1913, concluding a process begun four years earlier by President William Howard Taft.

Paul Caron: “The new tax applied only to those with very high incomes. There was a personal exemption of $3,000 for individuals (equivalent to $71,000 today) and $4,000 for married couples (about $94,500 today) but none for dependents. Additionally, all interest and state and local taxes were deductible. After that, the following rate schedule applied to both individuals and couples.”

Some of my libertarian friends will find it particularly meaningful that the income tax and I share a birthday, although Leon and I are slightly younger. Y’all all join me now in a rousing hip, hip huzzah for former Columbian Woodrow Wilson…

Or don’t. No skin off my nose.

I will now thank a partial list of folks for wishing me a happy birthday so far today: Five Points businesswoman and community leader Debbie McDaniel, frequent candidate Joe Azar, Chapin Mayor Stan Shealy, former Mayor Bob Coble, ex-coroner Frank E. Barron III, Rabbi Marc Wilson, lobbyist Robert Adams, Patrick Cobb from AARP (fitting, huh?), Randy Pagem (director of PR at Bob Jones University), veteran political reporter Steve Piacente, radio host Jonathon Rush, SC Treasurer Curtis Loftis Jr.

There were 63 in all. What’s the etiquette on this — thank each individually, or all at once?

Sheriff Lott called me back while I was typing all this. He and I agree that this just doesn’t make sense — when other people are this age, they’re old. At least, that’s always been the pattern in the past. It’s weird…

No half measures for Walk for Life: We’re going for $5,000!

Might as well be bold, right?

Last week, we went from exceeding our initial $1,000 goal to topping the $3,000 mark in just two days. Yes, we had some extraordinary help. After Doug Ross had singlehandedly put us over the thousand mark, Bryan Caskey came in and raised almost half of our current total of $3,231.

But I don’t think the well is dry yet. So I just did another Col. Cathcart, and raised our team goal to $5,000.

Sure, it’s a stretch. But we’re well on our way toward the $4,000 mark without any additional effort the last few days on my part. Now, I’m going to take a page from Doug and Bryan and send an appeal out to a lot of my contacts — emphasizing people who may not be regular blog readers — and thereby give a broader audience a chance to chip in.

Basically, I’m going to do what I haven’t really done with y’all yet — get serious, and talk about the real reason I’m a supporter of Walk for Life.

And no, it’s not because my good friend Samuel Tenenbaum nags me about it weekly. It’s because of my wife’s experience as a cancer survivor, as I wrote about back here.

Of course, even if you don’t receive one of these emails, you’re still welcome to give (or give more, or ask your friends to give more). In fact, you’re encouraged to do so.

Just go to this page, and click on “Give Now.” It’s the button over on the right.

Boy, I sure can pick cities to live in, can’t I?

Kathryn brought this to my attention. It’s a list, from the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, of the top 100 cities that are “the most challenging places to live with allergies this fall in the United States.”

As she noted, “We are up there, but better than Charleston or Augusta!” Columbia came in 33rd on the list; Charleston was 26th, and Augusta was 27th.

But then I looked at the list, and discovered something more startling — I have lived in three of the top 11 cities, including No. 1 Wichita. (The other two were No. 5 Memphis and No. 11 New Orleans.) I also lived in Charleston as a kid.

Lower down on the list, I’ve lived in Philadelphia, No. 42; and Washington, No. 83. OK, technically I lived in Woodbury, N.J., and Kensington, Md., but each was close.

So, given that I’m a hyperallergic kind of guy, I can really pick ’em, can’t I?

At least I made a relatively smart move coming here from Wichita…

 

I’m giving blood today. Anyone want to go with me?

I'm going to look just like this later today. I'm even wearing a yellow shirt...

I’m going to look just like this later today. I’m even wearing a yellow shirt…

Yesterday, I got a call from the Red Cross saying the requisite 16 weeks have passed since I last donated double red cells (after giving whole blood, you only have to wait 8 weeks), so it’s time to give again.

As usual, they were eager for my blood. When the lady on the phone suggested Wednesday, and I said neither Wednesday nor Thursday was good, and they didn’t have any slots that fit my schedule on Friday, so how about next week… she jumped in with “How about tomorrow?”

So I’ll be down at the Red Cross HQ on Bull Street at 5:30 today, preparing to donate through the Alyx process.

Before we got off the phone, though, the lady asked if I had any friends or family who could also come along with me and give.

They’ve asked me that before. It’s always sounded sort of odd. It makes recruiting someone to give blood sound as casual as, “Hey, wanna grab a beer after work?”

But it must work sometimes, or else they wouldn’t keep doing it. So I’ll try it.

Anybody want to go down to the Red Cross with me this evening and give blood? My treat…

Finally, a perfect job fit for me!

Back during my long period of unemployment, I signed up for a number of Internet services to help me in the job hunt. I still get emails from them.

Today, I got one that claimed, “An employer or recruiter on TheLadders just posted a job that matched with your profile.”

Exciting news, eh?

What was the job? Vice President of Logistics for Belk. An excerpt from the description:

This position is responsible for planning and coordinating domestic transportation and retail DC operations and includes operational and fiscal responsibility for these activities.  He / She will take a strategic leadership approach and will be accountable for creating plans to develop and integrate the capabilities of the organization in line with the current Supply Chain Mission.  The VP of Logistics ensures that internal and external customers receive the highest level of service, makes decisions that maximize the operation’s performance and cost metrics, and builds strong associate work teams with a positive work environment…

Yeah… that’s me all over.

This would be mildly amusing except for something else I know… algorithms that are no more sophisticated than the one that saw this as right up my alley are making decisions about who will get interviewed for jobs and who will not. I don’t know how many jobs I got rejected for before a single human being had looked at my application, but I assure you it would be a depressing number.

Summer cold, the ‘different animal,’ has me in its grippe

I’m quite frustrated that I can’t find video for the old Contac commercial with the jingle that went:

“A summer cold is a different animal
an ugly animal… oooh!

It hits you in the summer,
When you’ve got a lot to do!”

Hey, I didn’t say it was Shakespeare, I just said I wish I could find the video.

Anyway, I seem to recall someone deriding the ad at the time, saying that a summer cold was in no way different from a winter one. It’s never felt that way to me. To me, there’s always been something particularly miserable about going out on a hot day with the runny nose, raw throat, mental cloudiness and vague feverishness that comes with such a bug.

And my belief was vindicated last week with this section-front piece in The Wall Street Journal, “Summer Is the Real Season for Bad Colds, Not Winter.”

And in fact — the bugs themselves are different:

Colds in summertime can last for weeks, at times seemingly going away and then suddenly storming back with a vengeance, infectious-disease experts say. A winter cold, by contrast, is typically gone in a few days.

The reason for the difference: Summer colds are caused by different viruses from the ones that bring on sniffling and sneezing in the colder months. And some of the things people commonly do in the summer can prolong the illness, like being physically active and going in and out of air-conditioned buildings.

“A winter cold is nasty, brutish and short,” says Bruce Hirsch, infectious-disease specialist at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y. “But summer colds tend to linger. They can go on for weeks and reoccur.”…

The piece also notes that because summer colds linger so long, people mistake them for allergies.

I knew better when mine first struck a week or two back. I had been using a new nasal spray that had my allergies under great control. And then one day, bam, my nose is running anyway. And I feel like total crud, Ferris.

Also, my grandchildren had been passing a bug back and forth, and my wife had had it. So, not just allergies.

The piece also notes, “A summer cold’s symptoms also can be surprising. Along with the sniffles, sufferers may also get a fever, diarrhea and achy body.”

I’ve had all of those, except — I think — the fever. And I could be wrong about that. In a meeting this morning at ADCO, my wary colleagues were accusing me of having fever, partly because every time I touched the surface of the conference room table, I left damp handprints.

I don’t know. I just know it feels pretty lousy.

How are y’all feeling?

Join the bradwarthen.com Walk for Life team!

Proud members of the championship 2010 team -- Mark Stewart, Kathryn Fenner and Doug Ross.

Proud members of the championship 2010 team — Mark Stewart, Kathryn Fenner and Doug Ross.

OK, I’ve finally gotten around to setting up our team for the Walk for Life on Oct. 5, as promised previously.

Here’s how you sign up. Go to this page, click on “register” on the left-hand side, then click “I agree,” and then click on the “Join a team” button. Then click on “Please select a team.” Pretty high up on the pull-down list you will see “bradwarthen.com.” Join that one. (Pretty intuitive, right?)

Then follow the rest of the steps logically. Registration will cost you $25, but you can give more, and I encourage you to do so. After you’ve signed up, go out and get your friends to give even more money. I’ll post more instructions on how to do that later. In the meantime, Doug Ross can probably tell you how to do it, because he did such a great job of fund-raising the last time we had a team, two years ago.

I’ve set a $1,000 goal for the team, but we can exceed that — can’t we?

Click on this link to see how we’re doing toward that goal.

So sign up, be generous (and/or get other people to be generous), and I look forward to seeing y’all on Walk day!

donations

Another one of those privacy messages that I don’t read

This morning, in her column for tomorrow (that still confuses me; I don’t think any other major columnist in the country writes columns that appear online so long before they do in print), Peggy Noonan was waxing deeply concerned about my privacy, or her privacy, or someone’s (I didn’t read the whole thing; in any case, if it’s someone else’s, it is by definition none of mine, right?):

What is privacy? Why should we want to hold onto it? Why is it important, necessary, precious?

Is it just some prissy relic of the pretechnological past?

We talk about this now because of Edward Snowden, the National Security Agency revelations, and new fears that we are operating, all of us, within what has become or is becoming a massive surveillance state. They log your calls here, they can listen in, they can read your emails. They keep the data in mammoth machines that contain a huge collection of information about you and yours. This of course is in pursuit of a laudable goal, security in the age of terror.

Is it excessive? It certainly appears to be. Does that matter? Yes. Among other reasons: The end of the expectation that citizens’ communications are and will remain private will probably change us as a people, and a country. ..

Later in the day, I got this email from some honcho at AT&T, addressed to me as the holder of a certain numbered account (and the number is none a yer damn’ bidness!):

Dear Valued Customer,

We know your privacy is important, so we’ve made it a priority to talk to you about it. We’re revising our Privacy Policy to make it easier to understand, and we want to point out two new programs that could help us and other businesses serve you better.

The first program will make reports available to businesses. These reports will contain anonymous information about groups of customers, such as how they collectively use our products and services. The second program will use local geography as a factor in delivering online and mobile ads to the people who might find them most useful.

As always, we follow important principles to keep your trust:

  • We are committed to protecting your privacy.
  • We provide you with privacy choices.
  • We will not sell information that identifies you to anyone, for any purpose. Period.
  • We are committed to listening and keeping you informed about how we protect your privacy.

The two new programs are described in this notice, including your privacy choices for each. You can also read the new and old versions of our privacy policy at att.com/privacy.

To provide feedback on the new policy, please write us in the next 30 days at privacyfeedback@att.com or AT&T Privacy Policy, 1120 20th Street NW, 10th Floor, Washington, DC 20036.

Sincerely,

Robert W. Quinn Jr.
AT&T
Senior Vice President – Federal Regulatory & Chief Privacy Officer

Whenever I see anything like that — something that intones, “We know your privacy is important…” — I’m like yes, I suppose so, if you say so, and don’t read further, and move on.

But I appreciated his caring so much. I wondered whether his concern had anything to do with the Snowden stuff. Don’t know. Don’t care.

And it strikes me as extremely ironic that this guy probably gets paid more money than I’ve ever been paid to do anything to worry more about my privacy than I do. I’m more concerned about the fact that today, for some reason, I keep getting myself into sentences that don’t have an elegant way out of them, such as the preceding one, and to a lesser extent this one…

Oh, wait, you know what’s really weird? That AT&T notice came through my ADCO email, not my personal email. I have an AT&T account at home, not through ADCO. Oh, well…

What if I’d come back in 2013? Would I have been impressed? I think not…

The-Man-from-UNCLE-007

Some seemed to doubt the premise of the preceding post about how static and dull and lifeless popular culture has become (or at least, to discount the importance of it). But to someone who was young in the ’60s, there’s something very weird about living in a time when a photograph of people 20 years ago would look no different from a photo today (assuming you could get them to look up from their smartphones for a second during the “today” picture).

As I said in a comment on that post

I’ve written in the past about how enormously exciting I found American pop culture when I returned here in 1965 after two-and-a-half years in South America without television. My words in describing it are probably inadequate. It was so amazingly stimulating, as though all my neurons were on fire. It was like mainlining some drug that is so far unknown to pharmacology, one that fully engages all of your brain.

If I had returned at that same age in 2013 rather than ’65 — meaning I had left the country in March 2011 — I doubt it would have been such a huge rush. It would be like, “Oh, look: The latest iPhone does some minor stuff that the old one didn’t. And now we have 4G instead of 3G. Whoopee.”

Most of the big movies would be sequels of the big movies when I left — or “reimaginings” of Superman or Spiderman. The best things on TV would still be “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad.” “Firefly” would still be canceled. I’d be disappointed that “Rubicon” had only lasted one season. And I’d marvel at the fact that, with hundreds of channels out there, everything good was on one: AMC. (HBO hasn’t impressed me since “The Sopranos,” and that would have been over years before I left the country.) “The Walking Dead” would be new to me. Again, whoopee.

I just can’t imagine what I’d grab hold of and say, “Wow, THIS is different and exciting…”

But consider this list of things that I saw and heard for the first time in 1965, either immediately when I got back into the country, or over the next few months:

  • James Bond – who was enormously important to my friends and me, and who did a lot toward defining the decade (just ask Austin Powers), and who embodied much of what “Mad Men” recaptures about the decade. Yes, Bond had been around earlier, but I had never heard of him before the film “Dr. No,” which I actually saw on the ship on my way down to Ecuador. Which I did not enjoy. I didn’t really get Bond, as something that interested me, until “Goldfinger.”
  • Really exciting new cars that changed dramatically from model year to model year. I had seen ONE Mustang, parked outside the Tennis Club in Guayaquil, and I thought it was awesome. I’d never seen a Sting Ray, and the ’65 model was particularly cool…
  • Not just the Beatles, but the entire British Invasion – the Stones, Herman’s Hermits, The Dave Clark Five, Freddie and the Dreamers, the Animals, Tom Jones, Petula Clark. Just those few names illustrate the tremendous diversity of styles just within that one category we describe as the “Invasion.”
  • Folk rock – The Byrds, Chad & Jeremy, Simon and Garfunkel, and so on.
  • Beach music, West coast – The Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, the Surfaris
  • Gimmick bands – Paul Revere and the Raiders, Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs, etc.
  • One-hit wonders – Much of the vitality of the era was personified by such groups as ? and the Mysterians, the Standells and the Troggs (OK, all three of their hits were technically in ’66. But consider such one-time hits of 1964 and 65 as “The Girl from Ipanema,” “Eve of Destruction,” “Keep on Dancing,” “Land of 1,000 Dances”…)
  • Ordinary guys wearing (relatively) long hair. Yes, we’d heard of The Beatles by this time in South America, but the fashion had not caught on.
  • Beach music, East coast – Yeah, this music had been around, and white kids had been listening to this “black” music, but it didn’t have the kind of profile where I could hear it until this point. I think Wikipedia rightly cites the heyday as being “mid-1960s to early 1970s.”
  • Color TV – It had existed, but I hadn’t seen it.

OK, taking off on that last one, let’s just take a quick run-through of the TV shows, icons of the era, that were either new in 1965, or new to me because I’d been out of the country:

  • Gilligan’s Island
  • Green Acres
  • I Spy
  • Hogan’s Heroes
  • The Wild, Wild West
  • The Smothers Brothers Show
  • Lost in Space
  • Bewitched
  • Daniel Boone
  • The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
  • Get Smart
  • The Munsters/The Addams Family
  • Shindig!

I want you to especially note the variety in those shows — they weren’t all manifestations of the same cultural phenomenon, the way, say, “reality TV” shows are today. (A phenomenon that would not be new to me at all from a two-year absence.)

I’d like to include “The Beverly Hillbillies,” but it actually premiered shortly before I left the country, and I’d seen it once or twice. And I won’t cite the ground-breaking “Batman” because it premiered in January of 1966 – which was still within my first year back in the country. Also, I never saw “The Andy Griffith Show” before my return, but that was my fault — it had been out there for a year or so before I left.

This may all seem silly and superficial to y’all, but I think it’s actually significant that our popular culture is so static and unchanging today. Someone, trying to dismiss this, said on the previous post that I was ignoring the fact that the dynamism of popular culture in previous decades was just a First World, affluent-society phenomenon.

No, I wasn’t. In fact, that is sort of my point. I had come from an unchanging, static culture in the Third World into one of the most exciting cultural moments in the life of the most affluent country in human history. I would even go so far as to suggest that the dynamism of the popular culture is related somehow to economic dynamism.

And maybe the economic stagnation that is the New Normal today is related to cultural stagnation. We could feel our economic horizons expanding in past decades. No longer…


The Rolling Stones – Live in Shindig! (1965) by Vilosophe

Everybody put your hands together for a proud young man

headphones

We’re all thrilled that my grandson started walking over the weekend. So is he.

He’s been able to do it for months; he just didn’t want to. He has a busy schedule, and he crawls so fast, he saw no point. But over the weekend, he suddenly discovered that walking is a hoot. One of his parents or grandparents will hold him, and the other will beckon from across the room, and he staggers over, laughing hysterically the whole time while everyone cheers him on, and then falls into the arms of the one who’s waiting.

That’s the fun part, you see — the big fall. Into the arms of an adult, or face-forward onto a cushion, or backward onto the carpet. You just can’t get that kind of rush crawling.

Anyway, these pictures indicate just how much he was enjoying himself with this new thing.

You also get to see him with his awesome headphones T-shirt, which is particularly appropriate because his other grandfather, the cool one, is a DJ, and his Dad, my son, is an audio and video professional who’s been doing sound for local bands (including some excellent ones he has performed in) since he was in school.

Our little guy really looks the part to me, with his hair this length — like a member of the British Invasion, circa 1966. Like an extremely cheerful Eric Burdon or someone like that.

In the sequence below, you see him being distracted from some of his Dad’s equipment and persuaded to walk again, which sets off the laughter.

Just another wildly fun day in the studio for a guy who’s a rock star in his own little world…

Dreaming of being unable to sleep, in Munich…

I’m still a bit dopey this morning, even after coffee. I had one of those weird things where you wake up a couple of hours early, and then you lie awake for a long time, and then you wake up thinking you haven’t had any rest, but you realize that toward the end, you were dreaming about not being able to sleep….

OK, maybe you don’t do that, but I do.

What interests me, though is that after the usual pattern, I shifted to a dream that had factual details that fit together, something that dreams don’t often do.

It all started when I woke up at about 4:40 and thought I’d check to make sure my phone was set to wake me up at 6:30 — and couldn’t find my phone. This was real life, although it seemed dreamlike. I searched the house, upstairs and down, a couple of times — thoroughly waking myself — before the “find my iPhone” app on my iPad found it, in a really odd place (in a box, buried under other stuff).

So I set it, put it on the charger, and went back to bed. And lay on one side. Then the other. Then back on the first one. This went on a LONG time. Then I was walking about in the wee hours, unable to sleep, in my grandparents’ house (now my uncle’s house) in Bennettsville. My whole family was there, and I was trying not to wake them.

Then, again, with my family, I was in Europe. It was our last day there, and I was wondering when our flight home was. Turns out we had time to sightsee most of the day. I realized we were in Munich (I’ve never been to the continent, much less to Munich). My older son wanted to go to the 1972 Olympic stadium, and plant a flag (don’t know what sort of flag, but perhaps having something to do with the Olympics) at the highest point of the structure, and photograph it with the city spread out below. (I realized, after I woke up, that that idea had come from the last level of “Call of Duty: World at War,” which both my son and I have played, in which Red Army soldiers plant their flag atop the Reichstag in Berlin.) I said OK, we could do that.

But after that, I wanted to take mass transit to a place associated with the failed Beer Hall Putsch of 1923. I realized there probably wasn’t much to see there, but I wanted to see it anyway. (It seems I don’t have very positive associations in my mind when I think, “Munich.”)

These things didn’t happen in the dream; we just planned them.

I thought it odd that both of those sightseeing ideas actually had a logical connection to Munich. Usually, dreams are more mixed-up than that. Aren’t they?

Anyone remember Space Family Robinson? I do…

Space_Family_Robinson_1

Over the weekend, I denied being a “geek,” at least according to the parameters that Amazon set out.

However, I admitted that I may be such a geek that normal geek-dar doesn’t pick me up on the screen, in that my enthusiasms are slightly more esoteric.Goldkeycomics

For instance, I denied being a Trekkie, and that was true. But I was into the even lower-quality “Lost in Space.” I thought it great that TV had turned a comic book I was into — “Space Family Robinson” — into a prime-time show.

Anybody remember that? It was published by Gold Key Comics. For that matter, anyone remember Gold Key comics?

I was originally attracted to the comics by the obvious play on “Swiss Family Robinson,” a movie I had enjoyed (I never read the book). I haven’t touched a copy in nearly 50 years (I wasn’t foresighted enough to keep them until they grew in market value), but I still remember one edition causing me to think about how immense space was. There was a story in which the Robinsons received a signal from about 20,000 miles away, and one of the kids said, “That’s practically right next door!” Which is really trite, except to a kid.

Of course, no one has ever evoked the vastness of space as well as Douglas Adams:

Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space…

As someone at the BBC wrote, that should be in every science textbook.

Move over, Will and Kate and What’s-His-Name! Here’s our own Bud’s new grandson!

Our own Bud is on vacation this week to spend time with his new grandson in Nashville. Which has got to beat anything the rest of us are doing this week.

This young man is now second in line to the title of "Bud."

This young man is now second in line to the title of “Bud.”

As Bud can attest, an event like this has all the excitement and joy that Britain has been exhibiting publicly this week, only it’s more private, and therefore more special.

I thank him for sharing this with us all, and wish him joy in watching this little guy grow up. He’s in for plenty of it.

This calls for a cute story about my grandson… what do I have? Oh, I like this one: The other day, my wife sat him in his booster chair and spread before him bits of peach and strawberry, which he promptly ate up. Then, when he was done, he pointed to the refrigerator, and said “buhbuhruh.” Just so she understood what he really wanted.

As it turns out, most of his favorite things can be expressed by saying “buh,” or “bah” or “buh-buh.” That includes balls, babies and bottles. But for his very favorite thing, he has stretched himself to go to three syllables, just to avoid confusion among adults. Because one cannot afford to be misunderstood when it comes to blueberries. Otherwise, one could end up having only peaches and strawberries for one’s dessert.

Of course, he got the buhbuhruhs…

buhbuhruhs

There it is, our Family Car! All 396 surging horsepower! Yes!

65impalaSS_dsf

…Mom&Dad&Buddy&Sis in the suburbs… There they go, in the family car, a white Pontiac Bonneville sedan— the family car! —a huge crazy god-awful-powerful fantasy creature to begin with, 327-horsepower, shaped like twenty-seven nights of lubricious luxury brougham seduction— you’re already there, in Fantasyland , so why not move off your snug-harbor quilty-bed dead center and cut loose—go ahead and say it—Shazam!—juice it up to what it’s already aching to be: 327,000 horsepower, a whole superhighway long and soaring , screaming on toward…Edge City, and ultimate fantasies, current and future…Billy Batson said Shazam! And turned into Captain Marvel.

— The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test

For completely unrelated reasons that actually had to do with my day job, I was trying to remember one day this week what an impala — the animal — looked like.

Of course, Google Images gave me pictures of the car. And then I realized — I can see it again! The Family Car! The best one we ever had!

I could see it in my mind’s eye, parked behind those tumbledown WWII barracks, converted into apartments, that we lived in when my Dad was stationed in New Orleans. (That moribund Navy base, technically across the river in Algiers — was almost shut down at the time, although it would be revived later.)

That was an awesome time. We had just spent two-and-a-half years — the longest I ever lived anywhere running as a kid — in Guayaquil, Ecuador. My Dad was there on quasi-diplomatic duty, advising the Ecuadorean Navy. I had a great time there, but we were somewhat outside the stream of popular American culture throughout that period. For instance, I didn’t hear of the Beatles until weeks after their appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show, and even then I was confused. When I saw the banner, front-page headline — “Beatles hit Miami!” — in an old copy of the Herald, I thought it was about an infestation of misspelled insects.

There was one TV station that only broadcast from about 4 p.m. to 10 p.m., showing American cartoons and syndicated series, dubbed into Spanish. For that, we didn’t even bother plugging in our tube the whole time we were there, leaving it collecting dust down in our bodega. Actually, our bodega was really a one-car garage, but we used it for storage since we didn’t have a car. We got around in a battered Jeep — the WWII kind, with a canvas top and no back seats except for steel benches over the rear wheel wells, which was kind of rough on my skinny little butt — or whatever the Navy could temporarily spare. (Once, we briefly had use of a new station wagon that was on its way to some senior officer in Quito. I remember it because it had the first seatbelts I’d ever seen outside of the C-47 that used to give us rides up to Panama.)

So I lived outdoors, which was good for me — a very Tom Sawyer sort of existence. My occasional entertainment was the Variedades movie theater down the street, which cost the equivalent of two cents to get into. Tony Wessler and I would go there to sit on the wooden benches, our Keds on the sticky concrete floor, consuming Cokes from the bottle and banana chips fried right there in the back of the room (no lobby), watching Italian Hercules movies, or a French version of “The Three Musketeers” — with Spanish subtitles, of course, so we could follow along. When we left, fully charged with caffeine, grease, and cheesy movie violence, we’d grab scrap lengths of bamboo (which was lashed together to make primitive scaffolding that reached to alarming heights) from a construction site and swordfight all the way home. If we were in a hurry (or just wanted the thrill), we’d cut across blocks by tightrope-walking the high walls between homes, or climbing up and running across the flat roofs of the houses themselves (the property-boundary walls were usually only about a yard from the houses themselves at the backs and sides, and the iron gratings over windows made them easy to scale), being across and onto the next one before the residents could yell, “¿Quién es?” (Or would it be, “¿Quién está?”)

Something my parents didn’t know about.

But I digress.

My Mom and my brother and I came back to the States, through Miami, in the late spring of 1965, flying in through Miami, then to Columbia, where my grandfather picked us up and drove us to Bennettsville. The flight to Miami had been on a jet, my first. I marveled at the way it took off, at the comfort of the seats and the cabin, at how quiet it was — compared to the military Gooneybird, probably a veteran of the Normandy invasion, that I’d flown on before.

It was a foretaste of the tidal wave of mid-1960s America that was about to blow my mind.

The thing that stands out most is television. Yeah, I found plenty of time to get out and play that summer — in the backyard in B’ville, down at the beach. But until we moved to New Orleans at the end of the summer, after my Dad had joined us, I didn’t have any friends my age to hang with, so I spent a lot of time watching the Tube. I would have anyway; it overwhelmed my mind.

We could only get a couple of channels, until we moved to New Orleans (where we could get three!), so I wasn’t choosy. I watched everything. Including the commercials. Remember Funny Face drink mix, that short-lived rival to Kool-Aid? I found the commercials remarkably convincing — I persuaded my mother to buy a six-pack of Diet Pepsi because the ads made it sound so good. With that, I was deeply disappointed.

But that was an exception to the rule. I found everything else wholly satisfying, engaging, fulfilling. It was a time of James Bond, a time when the British Invasion was still surging upon our shores, and Carnaby Street was still to come. The most daring boys were growing their hair early-Beatles fashion — not actually long, but covering the forehead — and I would soon be one of them. There was Captain Ashby’s “Spaceship C-8” on WBTW out of Florence in the afternoons, and Saturday morning cartoons. And all summer, there were ads promoting the new TV season coming up in the fall, which I anticipated with a ridiculous amount of excitement. I would come running, if I happened to be out of the room, when one of those promos came on.

And the fall season of 1965 delivered with perfect satisfaction. On one night alone — Sept. 15, 1965 — I saw the debut episodes of “Lost in Space,” “Green Acres” and “I-Spy.” The rest of the schedule, which I immediately memorized, was great as well. Friday night, for instance, boasted “The Wild, Wild West” (also brand new), “Hogan’s Heroes” (or “The Addams Family” — you had to make a choice at 8:30), “The Smothers Brothers Show” and “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” From the perspective of an 11-year-old, I’ve seen nothing else to equal it since. Not even with hundreds of channels on cable.

Then there was The Car. Our first after years without one, the one that my parents still speak of as the best one we ever had.

My Dad had had to stay behind in Ecuador for a couple of months, and we had to get around, so my mother went shopping for a car on her own. She didn’t fool around. She didn’t opt for basic, minimal, boring transportation. She picked out a metallic green 1965 Chevrolet Impala Super Sport, with black leather bucket seats and a 396-horsepower engine. It was a hulking behemoth that thought it was a sports car. What better conveyance for boldly going forth in such a time, and such a place as America?

My own writing powers aren’t up to describing what that time was like, what the next two years were like in New Orleans, as my peers at Karr Junior High School moved rapidly through the “frat” look (sport shirts over a turtleneck dicky) and on to Mod, with the day-glo colors, paisley, huge houndstooth and bell-bottoms.

Which is why I quoted Tom Wolfe above. His superheated prose, infested with exclamation points, is exactly right for describing what that time felt like. All of it — the clothes, jet aircraft, the TV, the music on the radio, the profusion of choices in the supermarket, The Car — was all part of one surging, overwhelmingly satisfying whole.

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Before “stand your ground,” was there such a thing as a “run to the wall” law?

Here’s something for you lawyers out there, or you martial artists, or somebody.

I attended the University of South Carolina for exactly one semester, the fall of 1971. On top of my regular classes, I took a free short course in the evenings, not for credit.

It was karate. A friend from the Pee Dee and I took it, and we probably spent more time practicing our moves outside of class than we did studying for any of our academic classes. Or at least, I did. (We never hit a dorm elevator button with our fingers — we always used our feet.) One night, we staged a huge sparring match in the hallway of Bates House, and drew quite a crowd. We were really over the top, leaping into the air, kicking, and generally pretending to be Billy Jack, since that movie was huge that fall.

Amazingly, none of the guys watching us cracked up laughing. I think we actually fooled some of them into thinking we knew what we were doing.

Anyway, the guy who taught the classes — I remember his name as being John Bull Roper, which I thought was a great name for a black belt — used to tell us that in South Carolina, there was something called a “run-to-the-wall” clause in the law.

What that meant, he said, was that if you were an expert at killing with your hands and feet, as we believed him to be, you had to do everything you could to avoid a fight. You had to “run to the wall,” and only when there was nowhere else to retreat to could you defend yourself with your skills.

I forgot about that over the years, until everybody started talking about “stand your ground” laws. Which, of course, would be the opposite thing.

Was there ever such a thing? Anybody remember it? I can’t find it on Google. Maybe I’m remembering the words wrong; I don’t know…

The generation that didn’t throw perfectly good stuff away

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Y’all will remember when I reported on the passing of my great-Aunt Jo at 102 earlier this year.

Well, I was over at her house yesterday, helping my mother and her two brothers take Aunt Jo’s bed apart. When we first saw the mattress, with its classic striped ticking, I thought, “Wow. That looks like something from the ’40s.”

Good guess on my part.

According to the label that was still attached, it was apparently delivered to my great-grandparents’ (Jo’s parents’) house in Marion on or about Nov. 11, 1941. To be so old, it was in remarkably good shape.

But here’s the thing: The materials in it were even older, as the label said it was “manufactured or remade of previously used material.”

Way, way, way before recycling was cool. And exactly one month before the first WWII rationing went into place.

I found this impressive, and thought I would share.

 

Who’s up for a bradwarthen.com Walk for Life team?

WalkforLife

The actual walkers from our 2010 team — Mark, Kathryn and Doug.

Some of y’all will recall that a couple of years back, this blog fielded a team in the Palmetto Health Foundation Walk for Life, and we did rather well.

While only four of us actually walked — Mark Stewart, Kathryn Fenner, Doug Ross and me — we came in 18th in most amount of money raised. That wasn’t a staggering amount, just under $1,000 at last official count (I thought we went over a thousand, but I can’t find record of it now), but it was pretty good considering that we got a late start.

Doug Ross was our playmaker on that one, raising $450 by himself. I hope he’ll be returning for this go-round, and help us set the pace.

The Walk is on Saturday, Oct. 5, this year, so that gives us plenty of time. I have not actually set up the team yet, so hang onto your money until we do. But I have attended a team captain’s meeting the other night, and picked up the paperwork.

I’m posting this to gauge interest out there, but also to create peer pressure on me to follow through. So press away, and don’t let me slack off.

I’m toying with the idea of getting special T-shirts done (of course, everyone who participates will get an official T-shirt from the Foundation, but a lot of teams set themselves apart with special shirts). But then each person would have to pay for them (what, you think this blog is made of money?), and I’d rather see our fund-raising energies go to fighting breast cancer. Anyway, share your thoughts on that.

And stay on me about this.

Walk website

Click on the image for more info…

He likes Allen’s movies — especially the early, funny ones

Allen

Saturday morning, my grandson — who has a terrific sense of humor — found the WSJ Magazine lying on the floor (his domain) and started laughing at it.

My wife assumed that it was because he thought the picture looked like me, at least to a 13-month-old.

No way. For your information, Woody Allen is 18 years older than I am. And looks it.

No, I think it’s because he appreciates Woody Allen’s work — especially his early, funny movies.

Later, I entertained him by holding the magazine in front of my face and moving it, which the little guy thought was quite a yuk. This was, of course, an advanced form of peek-a-boo, with ironic overtones ranging from Chaplin to Bergman.

These hipster kids today. Check out the photo below, which I took at Target the same day, as he and his beautiful, smart big sister experimented with fashion.

Cool

Taking care of business in Memphis, eating at Pete & Sam’s

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As previously mentioned, I was in Memphis over the weekend. It was quite a trip — seven of us (all adults; the little ones either traveled separately or stayed home) packed into a minivan. All the way there Friday, all the way back Sunday. Except for a couple of brief stints while I wolfed down some lunch in the passenger seat, I was the driver the whole time.

We were there for a wedding, and being out-of-towners, were invited to the rehearsal dinner Friday night. It was at my favorite restaurant in the world, Pete & Sam’s on Park Avenue. It’s my favorite mainly because of the great memories of many dinners there with my wife’s family over the years. It was my father-in-law’s favorite place, and he took the whole crowd there whenever we were in town. Mr. Sam used to come over to the table and chat with him whenever we did.

It’s just a very, very Memphis place, for Memphians. The opposite of touristy, it doesn’t attract the kind of clientele that, say, the Rendezvous does, or even Corky’s.

It’s an Italian place, so it may seem odd that it would be a favorite of mine, since I’m allergic to almost everything on the menu (can’t have cheese, can’t have pasta, and even their famous spinach has egg in it, so I can’t have that). But they have this great item on the menu called “Beef Tender,” a steak that comes in a hot, deep metal dish, and you can’t even see the meat because it’s submerged in a wine sauce with mushrooms. It’s awesome, and it’s preceded by a salad with the best house Italian dressing anywhere.

The place was established in 1948, and if it’s been redecorated since, you can’t really tell (although the little mini-jukeboxes that were once in the booths have been gone for awhile). It’s really, really old school. For whatever reason, the place has never gotten a liquor-by-the-drink license, so everybody brown-bags. Fortunately, there has long been a liquor store nearby (in Tennessee, you can only buy wine at a liquor store, not in a grocery). When I say it’s a place for Memphians, I’m not sure all Memphians know about it. But most Italian, Irish and other Catholics seem to. It has an ethnic feel. There are always large family groups there, with multiple wine bottles crowding the table. See the picture, below, that I took of a nearby table that had not yet been cleared away; I took it late one night on a previous visit in April.

Not all customers are Catholic, though. Some, for instance, are aliens. I mean, like from outer space. I once ran into Prince Mongo of the planet Zambodia, someone well-known to Memphians although not as famous elsewhere as Elvis or Al Green, at Pete & Sam’s. Photos of better-known celebs line the wall behind the cash register. Ed McMahon appears twice.

I learned on this trip that, sadly, Mr. Sam passed away last year, just a couple of years after my father-in-law (his cousin Pete was only a partner for six months back in the ’40s, but Mr. Sam kept the name). One would have thought he was immortal. Some robbers shot him in the gut on Christmas morning in 2000, when he was 76. He was soon back behind the register, and three months later was climbing on the roof fixing the air-conditioner, according to The Commercial Appeal.

By the way, Doug Ross will back me up on Pete & Sam’s being a good place to eat. He’s been spending a lot of time in Memphis on business lately, and I’ve been trying to keep him well fed. He’s tried both Corky’s and Pete & Sam’s on my recommendation, and he’s enjoyed it.

Beyond Pete & Sam’s, we didn’t have time to do much Memphis stuff (I never got to Corky’s for barbecue, for instance), but on Saturday afternoon, while the ladies were hanging at the pool, the twins were getting ready for their roles as flower girls and my younger son was taking a nap, my older son and I played tourist for a couple of hours. We dropped by Graceland for the first time in many a year, and went by Sun Studios — where the above photo was taken.

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Memphis looms large in the family legend, and I think it’s spiritually important to make contact with these touchstones now and then. Mind you, I’ve never taken the tour of Graceland. That wouldn’t seem right. Elvis himself didn’t invite me into his house. I haven’t even been on the grounds since right after he died, when the family was still living there — his uncle Vester was sitting out on a folding chair by the famous gate greeting people who came from all over the world to file by the graves. It was more of a pilgrimage then than a tourist thing.

But I do like to go by and see the place. Before my family moved to the Memphis area when I was 18, I only knew one thing about the city — that it was where Elvis lived. I don’t think I could even have told you it was on the Mississippi River.

I’m feeling kind of wistful now that we’re back in SC. I don’t know when we’re going to get back to the Bluff City. Since my parents-in-law died, we only get there for weddings, and while we’ve had a nice string of them the last couple of years (nieces and nephews), there’s not another on the horizon currently — no “save-the-date” cards on the fridge.

So Friday night’s Beef Tender is going to have to hold me awhile.

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